A-Maize-Ing
Corn is a-maize-ing,
entrancing as a labyrinth with no exit,
like a diet of high-fructose syrup
that gets recipes stirred-up
to melt your heart
with so much sugar
that you can eat and eat and eat
and still not have enough of the stuff.
Snicker away. Give me a break.
Trix and Twix are for kids who tweet for treats
such as licorice and M & Ms,
who skit for Skittles
and indulge themselves with sweets,
however small,
while singing and dancing to the taste of it all:
The sounds of music played
by little Fiddle-Faddle fiddlers
who tease our brains with riddles
for those of us
who would perchance like to know
what we’re eating,
however self-defeating
it is to count the calories
of food labels and the ingredients
that they contain.
Be of good cheer, though:
Halloween is over and we mean over.
Christmas is here to roll the Yuletide
by sleigh rides
of candy canes across the World Divide.
It’s time to reach the top of the globe,
to open the gift box
from Raggedy Andy and Goldilocks:
Is it a toy for a boy
or a tilt-a-whirl ticket for a girl?
Is it coal or is it porridge,
or is it a diamond rock
paired with polka-dot socks?
The contents do not matter,
for we must look outside – not inside –
for the fun-filled corny jokes
that ring of puns and laughter
wherever they are sold in general.
Let’s celebrate the occasion
because there’s no escaping
the Holidays of Thanksgiving and togetherness!
Our destination in rhyme
is no worse than the nutritional value of candy corn
or our collective chances
of leaving a labyrinth with no exits:
Just a closed-off entrance door and a Minotaur.
Instead, feed your head.
Let’s be entertained
without going (too) insane.
The sugar levels in this place are so high
that neither you nor I
can distinguish the walls
from the boundary between the Earth and Outer Space,
nor the present of obesity we donated
to the human race.
Do not worry about us, though.
We corn crops are special.
Our love is literally everything
but superficial or artificial.
We care so much for you
that we won you over easily;
through your diet you let
our essence live inside you.
Halloween is over;
don’t be spooked.
We are a-maize-ing, remember?
Be of good cheer;
we are sweet and tart and represent all flavors,
even those in the middle.
You have loved our syrup since you were little.
You might have gained some weight here or there,
but remember that life is not always fair.
We did not sleight you
because you wanted your food cheap
and demanded to keep
our prices low;
so we slowly creeped
into your meals.
You became so addicted to us
that you forsook natural sugar
for corn substitutes;
we are grateful for your financial tributes
and your ravenous appetite for good taste:
Your haste did not make waste!
In the end, it does not matter how you feel
or how our presence in your edibles makes you look.
You love us, remember?
Andrew Blitman -- Author & Artist 
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