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Jokes about Animals

These jokes are original and are an excerpt of my book, “The Big Book of Pun-ishment”. Let the humor begin!

Why did the flatworm lose its gold medal for swimming?

  • Because its victory was a fluke!

What do you call someone with Lyme Disease?

  • Totally “ticked” off

Which insects make the best necklaces?

  • Pendants

What do you call a fish on a line?

  • A hooker

What do peas and dolphins have in common?

  • They both live in pods

What is a geisha’s favorite animal?

  • A Kimono Dragon

What is the trumpetfish’s most prolific rival?

  • Fiddler crabs

What do you call a well-endowed halibut?

  • A fatfish

What is a filefish’s favorite occupation?

  • Accounting

What is the biggest liar on land?

  • A lyin’

What is the biggest liar in the sea?

  • A lyin’ fish

What type of animal is Mothra?

  • A social butterfly

What do you call Godzilla’s children?

  • Sequels

What do you call a person who mimics monkeys for a living?

  • Someone who is just keeping up “ape”arrances

What do you call pigs with acne?

  • Warthogs

What did the pigs say about the champagne?

  • They said it was swine

What do they call female prison wardens?

  • Dungeness crabs

What do you call a conceited clam?

  • A selfish

What do you call an artistic camel?

  • The Dali Llama

Why was the flea market so dirty?

  • Because the dung beetles did a lousy job cleaning the place!

“Did you hear about the gorilla that received the Nobel Prize for Economics last year?”

  • “Yes, he discovered the mathematical formula for monkey business”

What do you call a panther that goes to strip clubs?
– A polecat

What do you call a hungry bird?

  • Peckish

Where did the two leeches build their houses?

  • At a pair-a-sites

What do you call a young Yellowtail?

  • A whipper-snapper!

What is the scientifically proven method of protection from wild zebra attacks?

  • The use of horse fields

How do parasites measure their body length?

  • In inchworms

What do you call a dog on an escalator?

  • A stair-wolf

What do you call pan-fried dachshund?

  • Weiner Schnitzel

What do you call a bull on steroids?

  • Beefy

What do you call a parasitic sheep?

  • A ram-ora

Why are sheep such terrible leaders?

  • They are baa-d examples in every possible situation

What do you call a sarcastic donkey?

  • A smart ass

What do you call a horse that has gone out to pastor?

  • Religious

What happens when you feed chickens dynamite?

  • Their eggs explode

What happened to all of the chickens in Chernobyl?

  • They glow in the dark now

What do you call birds that can only fly between restrooms?

  • Stool pigeons

What are the worst birds to share secrets with?

  • Stool pigeons

Where do tigers go after they die?

  • To the catacombs

Where do tigers go for burials at sea?

  • On catamarans

What do you call a fish that is always on point?

  • A pencil fish

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