Jokes about Animals
These jokes are original and are an excerpt of my book, “The Big Book of Pun-ishment”. Let the humor begin!
Why did the flatworm lose its gold medal for swimming?
- Because its victory was a fluke!
What do you call someone with Lyme Disease?
- Totally “ticked” off
Which insects make the best necklaces?
What do you call a fish on a line?
- A hooker
What do peas and dolphins have in common?
- They both live in pods
What is a geisha’s favorite animal?
- A Kimono Dragon
What is the trumpetfish’s most prolific rival?
- Fiddler crabs
What do you call a well-endowed halibut?
- A fatfish
What is a filefish’s favorite occupation?
What is the biggest liar on land?
- A lyin’
What is the biggest liar in the sea?
- A lyin’ fish
What type of animal is Mothra?
- A social butterfly
What do you call Godzilla’s children?
What do you call a person who mimics monkeys for a living?
- Someone who is just keeping up “ape”arrances
What do you call pigs with acne?
What did the pigs say about the champagne?
- They said it was swine
What do they call female prison wardens?
- Dungeness crabs
What do you call a conceited clam?
- A selfish
What do you call an artistic camel?
- The Dali Llama
Why was the flea market so dirty?
- Because the dung beetles did a lousy job cleaning the place!
“Did you hear about the gorilla that received the Nobel Prize for Economics last year?”
- “Yes, he discovered the mathematical formula for monkey business”
What do you call a panther that goes to strip clubs?
– A polecat
What do you call a hungry bird?
Where did the two leeches build their houses?
- At a pair-a-sites
What do you call a young Yellowtail?
- A whipper-snapper!
What is the scientifically proven method of protection from wild zebra attacks?
- The use of horse fields
How do parasites measure their body length?
- In inchworms
What do you call a dog on an escalator?
- A stair-wolf
What do you call pan-fried dachshund?
- Weiner Schnitzel
What do you call a bull on steroids?
What do you call a parasitic sheep?
- A ram-ora
Why are sheep such terrible leaders?
- They are baa-d examples in every possible situation
What do you call a sarcastic donkey?
- A smart ass
What do you call a horse that has gone out to pastor?
What happens when you feed chickens dynamite?
- Their eggs explode
What happened to all of the chickens in Chernobyl?
- They glow in the dark now
What do you call birds that can only fly between restrooms?
- Stool pigeons
What are the worst birds to share secrets with?
- Stool pigeons
Where do tigers go after they die?
- To the catacombs
Where do tigers go for burials at sea?
- On catamarans
What do you call a fish that is always on point?
- A pencil fish
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